Sorry Mubs
Hi Mubs!
Sorry but your essay on population control got aborted after I had spent 20 minutes correcting / editing / commenting. Oops! Can you re-post and I'll retrieve from my brain what I'd written?
As I recall, you'd written 421 words and I felt that you are being rather self-indulgent. You SHOULD be able to make your case in 250 - 300 words - that is a mark of good writing. Your concluding paragraph needed serious attention - it was overblown and pompous! Don't let your emotions run away with you at the final hurdle. Keep to a calm, measured, non-confrontational, reasonable tone. It degenrated into a 'rant'.
Avoid emotive words - so use neutral words such as "religious" rather than "dogmatic". There were no howlers as such, as I seem to remember.
So do an "Afaq" - calmly go over what we did together on the course and then DELIVER with style and panache.
All the best for you and the 9 / 11 crowd
Tony
Sorry but your essay on population control got aborted after I had spent 20 minutes correcting / editing / commenting. Oops! Can you re-post and I'll retrieve from my brain what I'd written?
As I recall, you'd written 421 words and I felt that you are being rather self-indulgent. You SHOULD be able to make your case in 250 - 300 words - that is a mark of good writing. Your concluding paragraph needed serious attention - it was overblown and pompous! Don't let your emotions run away with you at the final hurdle. Keep to a calm, measured, non-confrontational, reasonable tone. It degenrated into a 'rant'.
Avoid emotive words - so use neutral words such as "religious" rather than "dogmatic". There were no howlers as such, as I seem to remember.
So do an "Afaq" - calmly go over what we did together on the course and then DELIVER with style and panache.
All the best for you and the 9 / 11 crowd
Tony
posted by Tony Beale at
5:21 PM
1 Comments:
No problemo sir,
I have seen/noted/remembered my mistakes,unfortunately i do not save my work on the notepad because i delete it as soon as i post it on the weblog.
By
Mubs, at 11:09 PM
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